Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
