What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
