Im at strip club and am horny
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I sprained my soul last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize