Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
