Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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