I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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