I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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