How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
