video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
