sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
