Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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