i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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