Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
