whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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