Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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