I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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