Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
