I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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