Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
