I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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