But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize