Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
