Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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