this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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