why didn't you poke me back
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he fucked my hip out of place.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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