hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
