Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
