Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
