wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
