my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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