Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
