She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
