my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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