Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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