Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
