the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
is that a dick in a sweater?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
