I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
