90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
