Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
