I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
that may or may not have been my penis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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