Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize