I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
