People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
