Define "chronic" masturbator.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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