The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
