I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm both gender and math confused
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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