yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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