I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
