The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
