I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
