well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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