WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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