Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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