Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
even my farts smell like vagina
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
