I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
