I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
