I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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