I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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