You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
