Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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