yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
