he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
