He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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