plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
