Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
