i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
