bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
