i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
